In the ongoing race to win the “We’re Totally Green Now” medal, Microsoft has galloped ahead—by offloading human waste and investing in tree-planting projects that may or may not be in the same hemisphere as their data centers.
Editors note: never, in the 30 year history of Office Watch, did I think we’d have a headline like the one above. We do live in strange times.
The company now has a deal to dump almost five million metric tons of human and farm waste into a deep underground cavern. This is supposed to store carbon that would otherwise go into the atmosphere as carbon dioxide. The more waste stored means more carbon credits for Microsoft.
After all, all those server farms storing our files and running Copilot AI use a lot of power. A lot of that power isn’t from renewable sources.
According to its latest sustainability report, the tech giant claimed a modest 6.3% drop in carbon emissions for 2023. A feat that sounds impressive until one peeks behind the glossy numbers and notices it’s largely thanks to “carbon offsetting”—a modern term that roughly translates to “planting trees elsewhere so we can keep burning jet fuel.”
Microsoft’s aviation-related emissions? Oh, they soared by 19%. Apparently, cloud computing also requires frequent clouds of jet exhaust. But not to worry! That’s all been balanced by delightful programs like converting human poop into fertilizer and investing in forests. It’s a bit like flying first-class to a climate summit and then handing out reusable straws.
Meanwhile, the company still emits more than 13 million tonnes of CO2 annually—more than the entire country of Montenegro. But hey, who’s counting? Not Microsoft, who’s now firmly in the “net zero by 2030” club, as long as they keep buying enough credits to pretend the smoke doesn’t count.
Critics—those pesky realists—aren’t entirely sold. Some point out that many carbon credits are based on hypothetical future trees that may or may not still be standing in 50 years. Others grumble about the lack of hard evidence that these offsets actually work. But what’s a little uncertainty when the PowerPoint slides look so hopeful?
Of course, Microsoft insists that offsetting is only a “temporary” tactic while they work on more “permanent” carbon removal tech. Translation: “We promise to stop outsourcing our emissions problem… eventually.”
A better tactic for Microsoft and all of us, is to reduce the amount of carbon released into the air, rather than spending vast amounts on schemes that could be kindly described as a tiny, tiny Band-Aid on an enormous wound.
Until then, the company remains a shining beacon of the Theatre of Modern Sustainability —flushing waste, planting trees, and flying the climate-friendly flag from 30,000 feet.
